Alcohol And Gundam Pilots Don't Mix
by FutureTrunks
Summary: The Gundam pilots have a party after a battle, Relena hosts it and the pilots get drunk what will happen to them?
1. The Party Begins

Disclaimer: I do not own gundam wing or any of the characters, they are all fictional made by the company that owns them  
  
A HUGE MEGA THANKS TO KARA!!!!!!! For looking at this and changing a few things. ^-^ [whispers]and correcting my grammar and punctuation.  
  
Warning a bad attempt at comedy in a Gundam Wing fan fictional story! *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
The ground was fiercely on fire from fuel tankers that had previously exploded, and the five gundam's stood there silently until the last moble doll exploded and fell to the ground.  
  
Quatre- Thank god that's all over.  
  
Duo- Yeah I hear ya, what should we do now? How about a celebration?  
  
Heero- What for? We have nothing to celebrate.  
  
Duo- Sure we do, we can celebrate um... Wufei's victory of drugs.  
  
Wufei-[raises eyebrow] Pardon.  
  
Trowa- I should really be getting back to the Circus, I have a performance tomorrow and I need my rest.  
  
Wufei- We don't need a party to show that we have won, those mangled heaps of metal over there are proof enough of victory.  
  
Duo- Come on you guys, don't be so boring, it would be fun, and I bet Heero can talk Relena into throwing us a party, after all they are pretty close.  
  
Heero- Why do you insist that I go and talk to her? She gets on my nerves.  
  
Duo- Yeah but you can't seem to pull yourself away from her can you.  
  
Heero- Hn.  
  
Duo- Then it is settled PARTY TIME!  
  
The five gundam's walk away into the distance and the scene cuts to Relena's house where she has two guests, Noin and Zechs.  
  
Noin- Miss Relena, how can you manage to keep up your bid for peace when there are many who oppose it so much?  
  
Relena- Even though there are people who don't want it, there are also people who are willing to talk about it and that is how I manage.  
  
Zechs- Hmm well you seem to be happy at the moment, but remember there are still soldiers who can't pull themselves away from their moble suits, maybe I should stick around for a while and help to protect you.  
  
Relena- No thank you, I appreciate your concern Zechs but I have enough security around me, I will be fine I insist.  
  
Noin- well if you ever need us don't hesitate to ask ok.  
  
Relena- Right, I won't forget.  
  
Zechs and Noin get up ready to leave when Heero walks in through the door and makes his way towards Relena.  
  
Zechs- Well, well Heero Yuy its been a long time  
  
Heero walked straight past Zechs and sat down next to Relena. Relena smiles sweetly at him, although it is plain to see she is trying to hide her surprise.  
  
Heero- Relena.  
  
Relena- Heero is there something wrong?  
  
Heero- No, but the other gundam pilots want to have a party and was wondering if you would host it.  
  
Relena thought about this, a party would be good, it would help Heero and the others relax, god they needed a break after all the fighting they had been doing lately. But a tiny little voice in the back of her head was whispering warnings at her "Duo will be there, think of the carnage!" but another voice (The louder one) was saying "Heero will be there, GO GET HIM GIRL!"  
  
Heero- Relena?  
  
Relena-[Slightly dazed] Yes?  
  
Heero-Is it ok?  
  
Relena- Yes you can but I want Zechs here to keep an eye on you all.  
  
Zechs- It will be my pleasure Relena.  
  
Heero- We want you to be there to, after all it will be in your house.  
  
Relena- Ok Heero if you want me there I shall be there.  
  
"WHOO!" Shouted the little voice in Relena's head, which she promptly hissed and scratched at till it went to hide somewhere.  
  
Simmilar thoughts were going through Noin's head 'this could be the perfect opportunity I need to ask out the man I love'  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
The next night came and Trowa had just finished his circus performance (With minimal injury) , he decided to bring Catherine along. ok he didn't want to bring her but she said she would refuse to cook if he didn't bring her.  
  
Quatre, Duo and Wufei arrived a little while later. The door was opened for them by Pagan who smiled at Quatre, obviously remembering the blond pilot from the first time they met.  
  
They walked into the huge entrance and were surprised to find Heero standing there in a suit with Relena by his side in a white dress.  
  
Heero- What's that Duo [pointing towards a bag that Duo brought along with him, but he was hiding behind his back]  
  
Duo- Erm just a little something to spice up the party, nothing dangerous.  
  
This made Heero more suspicious, anything that Duo considered "Not dangerous" was usually fatal to the people within the direct vicinity. He made a grabbed for the bag.  
  
Duo- Hey! Watch it will ya!  
  
Duo tried to pull his arm away from Heero's grasp but it was too late, he had taken the bag off him and was inspected the contents.  
  
Heero- You brought alcohol with you? We're all under age! And what if we were attacked during the party? We wouldn't be able to pilot the Gundam's that well.  
  
Duo- Don't worry about it, Relena's house has a bomb shelter, we would be perfectly safe.  
  
Relena- It's a nice gesture [eyes Alcohol warily] thanks Duo.  
  
Duo- At least some one appreciates me.  
  
Duo walked past them and unpacked the alcohol onto the table when he noticed that Zechs was watching him.  
  
Zechs- What are you doing bringing alcohol here?  
  
Duo- Wow chill Zechs it's just to spice up the party a little ok.  
  
Zechs- Does Relena know about this?  
  
Noin- Calm down Zechs, we were that age once remember  
  
Zechs- Alright, but if anything happens to Relena, not even your Gundam can protect you from me.  
  
After the little alcohol debate the party began, Relena put on some slow dance music (Sly little so and so) on to lighten the mood, there were a few guests that the others recognised but they kept there distance. Half an hour later, Duo was already drunk talking to every one trying to get a dance but didn't succeed.  
  
Quatre- No Duo I wont dance with you, but thanks for asking.  
  
Duo- Humph why wont any one dance with me [mutters] stupid party.  
  
Duo walked off and left Quatre on his own until Trowa and Catherine began a conversation with him.  
  
Trowa- What's up with Duo?  
  
Quatre- He's drunk out of his mind and keeps asking all the girls if they want to dance.  
  
Trowa-Didn't he just ask you?  
  
Quatre-[eyes narrow slightly] Yes that is why I am plotting my revenge [turns to Cathering] I would be careful he might ask you next.  
  
Trowa-[Glares]I'd like to see him try.  
  
Catherine- I'll keep that in mind, I still don't see why he brought the alcohol along, no one is drinking it apart from him.  
  
Just as those words came out they caught sight of Relena dragging Heero over to one of the tables, she grabs two cups and fills one of them with punch while she fills her own with some gin and tonic, she takes huge gulps from hers while Heero just sips timidly at his.  
  
Quatre- Apparently Duo isn't the only one drinking tonight.  
  
Trowa- Hmm maybe we should go and see what all the fuss is about, want to join me?  
  
Quatre- No thanks I can't drink, but I will have some punch.  
  
They walk over to the punch and alcohol but without knowledge that duo spiked the punch with a two litre bottle of vodka 70% vol. Quatre fills his glass and takes a sip.  
  
Quatre- This punch tastes funny, I think it a bit gone.  
  
Trowa inspects the drink and takes a sip also.  
  
Trowa- I'm not sure but I think Duo has spiked it.  
  
Quatre- oh well I will stick to water then.  
  
Quatre then picks up a bottle of water from the side and takes a few sips. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* TBC  
  
That's it for chapter one, I know it isn't funny yet but the party hasn't started properly, please review the story and give me a few ideas on how to continue it Thanks /.\ _/.\ 


	2. The Mishaps of Duo

****Please note, no Gundam pilots were hurt in the making of this fan fic, and I don't own Gundam wing*************  
  
Quatre picks up a bottle of water and takes a sip then puts it back down on the table next to them, Trowa looks at the bottle and takes a sip.  
  
Trowa- Hmm, this water tastes funny too  
  
Duo runs up behind them and jumps onto Quatre's back causing him to fall to the ground  
  
Duo- Hey Quatre did I ever tell you I love you? I love you man!  
  
Quatre- Get off my back Duo, NOW!  
  
Trowa helps Duo get to his feet, and Duo falls into his arms  
  
Trowa- what are you doing?  
  
Duo- You smell so good, can I kiss you?  
  
Trowa- No get away from me  
  
Trowa drops Duo onto the ground and steps on duo's fingers  
  
Duo- Ouch, what you do that for?  
  
Trowa and Quatre walk away and Heero walks up to the table unsuspectingly and Duo grabs onto his leg  
  
Heero- [falling to the ground] what the!  
  
Duo- I just wanted to tell you that even though you blank everyone out most of the time, you're my best friend [goes for a hug]  
  
Heero- [trying to get away] what are you talking about  
  
It is too late and Duo grasps Heero so hard that it is almost impossible to get him off, Heero turns onto his stomach and tries to drag himself away but failing to. Relena walks into view and spots Duo attached to Heero  
  
Relena- What's going on?  
  
Heero- [trying to get his gun out of his back pocket] I don't know, he just grabbed hold of me and wont let go. I'm gonna shoot him!  
  
Heero manages to get his gun out but Relena grabs it out of his hands, and Duo tightens his grip forcing Heero to shout out in pain. Then Zechs walks over and trips over the pain filled Heero trying to get away from Duo. Zechs gets up and pulls Duo off Heero and Heero runs away to find another weapon to use on duo  
  
Heero- Ill get him for that  
  
Zechs- What are you up to Duo Maxwell?  
  
Duo- Who's that? Is it you Zechs? Or can I call you Millie?  
  
Zechs- What the? Its time to sober you up boy!  
  
Zechs drags Duo towards a door but Duo tries to stop him by grabbing hold of the frame  
  
Duo- [losing his grip on the frame] No but I don't want to sober up!  
  
They both disappear behind the door and all that can be heard is Duo screaming behind it.  
  
**** well that's the next chapter up, I need more help too on ideas, so if it be good or bad reviews please give me them****** 


	3. The Evil At The Party

******** I do not own Gundam wing or any of the characters *********  
  
The screams continued to echo from the room that Zechs and Duo were in, but while every one else was preoccupied with listening to it, Heero, Relena, Quatre, Trowa and Wufei were sat at a table trying to find a drink that Duo didn't put alcohol in for Quatre who by now was very Dehydrated  
  
Heero- Don't worry Quatre, I'm sure Relena would get you a glass of water in a minute  
  
Relena looked at Heero as if to say she would when he sleeps with her but Heero ignored it  
  
Trowa- I'll get it for you [gets up and makes his way to the kitchen] it's this door isn't it?  
  
Relena- [drinking some Fosters] Yeah, right through there to your left. Heero as Quatre has Trowa looking after him, I want to talk to you privately for a minute [winking]  
  
Heero- ok Relena, but I think you have something in your eye  
  
They get up and leave, Relena staggers into a few people and forces an apology out of her stuttering mouth and leads Heero up some stairs, leaving Quatre with Wufei for a while  
  
Quatre- So Wufei, have you got some one special with you tonight?  
  
Wufei- As a matter of fact I did have some one special. Once  
  
Quatre- What happened to her?  
  
Wufei- She died a few years ago  
  
Quatre- Oh I'm sorry, I've never lost a girlfriend, was it tough for you?  
  
Wufei- Girlfriend.? She was my wife!  
  
Quatre- Oops I'm sorry I didn't know, where is she buried, we could take some flowers to her grave some time  
  
Wufei- She's been built into NATAKU!  
  
Quatre slowly edged away slightly fearing for his own life, and Trowa returned with Catherine by his side once more and a glass of water  
  
Quatre- Thanks Trowa, Relena and Heero went to talk some where for a while, they should be back soon  
  
Just as Quatre finished his explanation Duo and Zechs come walking out of the locked door, and Duo is completely soaked and his hair tied into pigtails on the sides of his head. Slowly staggering towards them, he looks around to spot where Heero is and notices that he is gone  
  
Duo- Where did Heero go?  
  
Trowa- He went upstairs to talk to Relena  
  
Duo- what we've got to save him  
  
Quatre- why they have just gone somewhere to talk  
  
Meanwhile in Relenas bedroom. Heero is handcuffed to a bed and struggling to get free while Relena is trying to get Heero's trousers off but being kicked away every time  
  
Relena- You wont get away from me this time Heero, were gonna make love  
  
Heero- Relena your drunk, let me go this instant, or I'm going to kill you. NOOO  
  
Relena gets Heero's trousers off and pulls down his latex shorts to reveal a small gun holster and his underwear she tugs at the holster and takes the gun out.  
  
Relena- Now it's time for me and you to have children and I will make you a pacifist forever  
  
Relena grabs Heero's boxer shorts and starts to pull them down a few centimetres  
  
Heero- No, Wing Zero.. Help me  
  
Quatre and the other three Pilots rush up the stairs but find the door to be made of thick steel and welded together from the inside.  
  
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This is getting seriously strange isn't it? Will the Gundam Pilots make it in time to help Heero? Or will he get raped by the Mistress of Evil (Relena) I guess you will have to find out next time, any reviews with helpful comments will be appreciated 


End file.
